Embracing Impostor Syndrome

Back to school is upon us, and that means that kids around the world are walking into classrooms (or starting to think about walking into classrooms) to learn something new.

But, not just something new.
Something they specifically don't already know.
Which means... something they would currently fail.

That's not a bug. That's the entire design of education.

Our kids figure out algebra, and then it's time for geometry.
They figure out geometry, and then it's trigonometry.
They figure out trigonometry, and — hold the phone — calculus is in the house.

...shudder...

Every single year, we hand children subjects in which they are not currently expert and tell them this is completely normal. We don't call it a crisis. We call it ninth grade. But then, they grow up, and we revoke the privilege we give to kids, this privilege to be bad at stuff until we get good at stuff, and we call it adulthood.

Well, I call it shortsighted.
And stupid.
And sh*tty.

Here's How It Happens to You

You got hired because at some point you demonstrated competence at a thing. You got paid for it. Praised for it. Promoted for it. And somewhere in there, the competence stopped being something you have and started being something you are.

Slowly you stopped experimenting.
Slowly you stopped throwing out new ideas.
Slowly you stopped taking big swings.

You decided to stay on that same, safe path where your expertise has been established, nervously eyeing the next thing you actually want, but afraid to go for it, lest you be imperfect. You wanted it, but you were filled with uncertainty and fear of failure.

That's not a character flaw. That's Wonderhell.

This happened to me. And it frustrated me. So I spent a decade researching why success doesn't just change your life, it changes your story. The version of you that got good at something comes face to face with a bigger version you can suddenly imagine, and the gap between them is where all the doubt festers and grows. Psychologists call it "narrative identity:" where the stories we tell ourselves become our reality, whether they are real... or not.

Which means trying a new thing isn't a Tuesday anymore. It's an identity risk.

Impostor Syndrome is Your Friend

The research shows that roughly 70% of us hit impostor syndrome at some point. It's the voice insisting we don't belong in the room we just earned.

And here's the cruel twist I found while writing Wonderhell: it's contagious. Maybe you cower in the corner, afraid to take your shot, waiting for everyone else to wise up and call you a fraud. Or maybe you take the opposite tack, doing your best to give off the impression that you belong, and unwittingly stir up everyone else's insecurity.

You act like you belong, and so I feel like more of an impostor.
In response, I act like I belong even more, thereby making you feel even worse.

This is what's known as "pluralistic ignorance." We push each other deeper into our respective impostor-syndrome corners, never knowing what's really happening with the other person. It traps us in a perpetual, vicious, Academy Award–winning cycle of overcompensation — a whole room of people performing a competence none of them feel, each convinced they're the only one faking it.

Which is exactly why what a leader does with their own incompetence matters so much. Every time you perform the flawless version, you don't just protect your own ego — you raise the bar in the room and tighten everyone else's grip on the mask. And every time you let the mask slip, on purpose and out loud, you give the whole room permission to exhale.

But what if there was a better way?
What if instead of fighting the impostor syndrome, you used it as a signal that you were growing?
What could you learn if you simply admitted that you didn't know something and made space to learn and grow?

That's exactly what the 100+ superhuman Olympic medalists, start-up unicorns, CEOS, creatives, philanthropists, and people just like you and me did when they achieved something they didn't think possible, only to be met face to face with their own potential. They didn't like the weight of ambition slow them down. They used it to speed up.

Because here's what I know to be true this week: discomfort is the only path towards growth.

Do You Work with Sales People?

The last thing I'll tell you is that this is a phenomenon that hits sales teams every year. No matter how well they do, no matter what goals they crush, the number resets at zero every single year. It's why my keynote about Limitless Sales is so popular with Sales Kick Off events starting every January 1st. The VP for the Americas at IBM called it "insightful and actionable, the best sales motivational keynote we've ever had."

I'm currently booking those keynotes right now, and if you are interesting in having a conversation about why your sales people are stuck, and what to do about it, let's talk! And, in the meantime, watch this video to learn more.