I love service for selfish reasons.

Last week I stood in front of a room of corporate leaders, nonprofit changemakers, and civic innovators at the Points of Light conference and made a confession.

I love service for selfish reasons.

Here’s what I told them, and here’s what I want to tell you.

We’ve been sold a story about generosity. It goes like this: first you achieve, then you arrive, then — once your own oxygen mask is secured — you turn around and give back. Contribution is the dessert you earn after the broccoli of ambition. The victory lap. The thing you do once you’ve gotten yours.

That story is backwards.

In Limitless, I called the framework underneath the book consonance — the alignment that happens when what you do matches who you are. It has four levers: Calling, Connection, Contribution, and Control. And of the four, Contribution is the one people most often misunderstand. They think it’s about being noble. About selflessness. About giving until it hurts.

In the Limitless Leader research — 10,000+ professionals across 113 countries, seven years of data — Contribution isn’t the dessert. It’s one of the four things that determine whether someone stays engaged at work at all. When someone has three of the four levers but is missing the fourth, that isn’t a satisfied employee. That’s a resignation that hasn’t been written yet.

Here’s what I know to be true this week: Contribution isn’t the thing you do after you’ve gotten the best out of yourself. It’s how you get the best out of yourself.

The work stops feeling like a grind toward a finish line and starts feeling like it actually matters. You stop white-knuckling your to-do list and start moving with the kind of energy that only comes from knowing your effort lands somewhere bigger than you.

This is the part most leaders get wrong. They think the way to get more out of their people is to optimize them — tighter goals, sharper incentives, better dashboards. But you cannot squeeze meaning out of a spreadsheet. Meaning is the thing leaders make for people, not extract from them. Give your people a reason that reaches past the quarterly number, and watch what they choose to do.

If your days are full and somehow still hollow, here’s the ask. This week, find one thing you can give yourself to that isn’t about you. Not as a break. Not as a reward. As fuel.

People don’t stay for the money. They stay for the meaning. And meaning is the thing you make.

For the leaders in the room.

If you’re the one running the team, the making part is your job description, not your flattery line.

In the Limitless Leader research, we focused on the people who self-identify as reporting to a good leader — leaders who are respected, who walk their talk, who deliver results. The finding that lands hardest: workers with a good leader but no real relationship with that leader are just as likely to leave as workers reporting to a bad one.

There are a million miles between being loved and being seen.

The science behind why it works.

​Richard Boyatzis’ research on Intentional Change Theory shows that humans operate in two emotional states. The Positive Emotional Attractor — where we dream, imagine, expand, become more than we were. And the Negative Emotional Attractor — where we plan, strategize, fix what’s broken, execute. We need both. You can’t vision-board your way through a budget shortfall, and at some point someone has to open Excel and ruin the vibe. But the boldest version of someone only shows up in the PEA. And the number-one signal that puts them there isn’t a perk, a title, or a comp adjustment. It’s another person — usually a leader — believing they can do big things, and saying so out loud.

The exercise.

This week, find three people. Ask each one question — what brought you to this work? or what’s the contribution you’re proudest of? — and then listen. Don’t fix. Don’t problem-solve. Don’t “oh, you should try…” Just listen.

When they’re done, look them in the eye and say:

“I see you. And I believe in you.”

Then trade. Let them ask you. Feel what it’s like to hear it back.

Being loved is a feeling. Being seen is a decision. The decision takes ninety seconds, costs nothing, and is the most underused retention tool sitting on every leader’s desk.

Three people. This week. Watch what happens.

Want to book me for a keynote?

A heartfelt thank you to Drew Sullivan at APB Speakers for thinking of me for that Points of Light stage. Rooms like that one — full of people who’ve already figured out that service and success aren’t opposites — remind me why I do this work. If you are looking to bring me in for a keynote, I'd love to put you in touch with Drew who will make sure that you and your event are well stewarded.