Say Yes, and No

You’ve probably been told to “just say no” a thousand times. But for high-achievers like us, that’s easier said than done.

Why? Because the problem isn’t that we’re too nice or too accommodating. It’s that we see potential everywhere. Opportunity in everything. And we hate to miss a chance to help, to shine, to show up.

We say yes because we can.
Because we used to do it all.
Because we think we should.

But if you want to build something bigger—whether it’s your business, your career, your impact, or your confidence—you can’t keep saying YES to everything.

You have to start saying YES better.

So how do you say YES better?

Start by saying NO with intention. Here’s the method I use to protect my time (and sanity):

The First Ask: I ignore it.
Not because I’m mean, but because 80% of people never follow up—and their ask wasn’t urgent, specific, or important. That first filter clears the clutter.

The Second Ask: I reply—but with a boundary.
I’ll say, “I’m swamped right now. Circle back next month.”
Most people don’t. And that’s okay. The truly invested ones? They’ll show up again.

The Third Ask: That’s when I know it matters.
They really want me. I’m not just a name on a list. I’m their best option.
And then? I say yes… on my terms. Maybe it’s while I’m commuting. On a walk. Between keynotes. But now, my YES is deliberate. Thoughtful. And powerful.

My time is my most valuable resource, and I don’t give away my time for free, even when I am giving away my time for free. They have to really want it. I have to be the ONLY person who can give them what they need. And, it has to work for me. Otherwise, someone else can and should do it. The same is true for you.

Then, I say YES to the right things.

Not just what’s loudest or most recent. Not what flatters my ego or drains my energy. But the things that move the needle in the direction I want to go.

Here are the four questions I ask before any YES:

Will this bring me closer to the life I want?
Will this help someone else I care about?
Will this bring me energy, joy, or growth?
Am I uniquely positioned to do this better than anyone else?

If the answer isn’t yes to at least one of those…Then it’s a no.

Because I know what happens when I say YES better:

I have more time for the stages that light me up.
I bring my full self to media appearances that create real change.
I write, speak, and lead from a place of power, not pressure.

You may have seen me on Good Morning America, Access Hollywood, and E-News—or on stages from Google to IBM. None of that happened because I said yes to everything. It happened because I said yes to the right things.

Here’s what I said YES to in 2025:

(And wow—what a year it’s been…)

📢 12 Months of Keynotes — From corporate stages to international conferences.
🎙️ 8 national TV segments about AI, the job market, leadership, and redefining success — Good Morning America, NBC, New York Living..
📚 12 life-changing books that expanded my thinking and changed how I show up. Check out my top 2025 recommended books here.
👟 26.2 Miles at the Tokyo marathon becoming one of less than 2,000 American women who have run all six world majors
🎓 1 Semester Down in my Doctoral program — because I believe in always being both teacher and student.
🐶 A Billion #DailyDober snuggles and load of family travels — because what’s the point if you don’t enjoy it with the ones who matter most?
💡 Launching my "Going ALL IN" course to help ambitious humans do exactly that, personally and professionally.
💬 Countless DMs saying “this changed my life” — and every single one still gives me chills.
👩‍🏫 Mentoring authors and speakers to amplify their impact in my yearly masterclass.
🔥 And saying NO to everything that didn’t align with the above.

Was it easy to say no to everything else? Nope.
But was it worth it? Absolutely.

If you're feeling stretched, scattered, or stuck…
If you’re overwhelmed by what’s urgent and losing sight of what’s important…
If you’re spending all your energy supporting everyone else’s goals and ignoring your own…

You don’t need to do more.
You need to say YES better.

Because here's what I know to be true this week is this: Your life will transform the moment your YESes start matching your ambition instead of your obligations.

Want Help Making Sense of Your Year? Watch This.

If you’re looking at the last twelve months and thinking, “I didn’t hit every goal… did I waste the year?” — I made you a video.

In my newest YouTube episode, I walk through a simple framework I’ve used for 20+ years to help people sort through:

“I didn’t hit every goal.”
“I crushed the metrics but still feel empty.”
“I changed my mind.”
“I said no to a lot.”

And then I dig into my favorite lens for all of this: consonance—calling, connection, contribution, and control—and how to use it to design a year that actually feels like yours.

If you’re wrestling with what this past year meant and where you’re going next, this one’s for you.

So now I’ll ask you:

What could your life look like if you said YES better?

What if you stopped saying yes to the coffee dates you resent…
… and said yes to the keynote you dream about delivering?

What if you stopped saying yes to being on every committee…
… and said yes to the book you know you have in you?

What if you stopped saying yes to feeling small…
… and finally said yes to being seen?

If you've been saying NO to building your speaking career because you’ve been saying YES to everyone else’s priorities, maybe it’s time for a better YES.

A YES to your message.
A YES to your impact.
A YES to your potential.

🎤 Amp Up Your Impact: My Masterclass for Speakers, Experts & Changemakers
🗓️ Wed, Jan 21 | 12–2:30pm ET | Live + Recorded

I’ll teach you how I went from imposter syndrome to in-demand expert—and how you can too.
From cold emails to network TV. From zero stages to standing ovations.

If that’s a YES you’ve been waiting on?
This is your sign.
Save your spot here.