The Lessons Hiding Behind My Biggest Fear

I learned something nine years ago from the first ever speech I gave, and you can use it in every single daily interaction you have.

Let me explain...

Driving my 8th grader home from school one day, I received a call from a friend who happens to be the executive producer of TEDxCambridge. Knowing she was in a bit of a career transition — one that I had energetically encouraged — I felt the responsibility to take the call to make sure everything was going smoothly; being a conscientious, role-modeling mother, I also felt the responsibility to take it hands-free through my car’s speakers. Turns out that the call wasn’t about her career; it was about mine.

Her: “I’ve been reading your latest blog posts. There’s good stuff there. Would you be interested in applying to do a TEDxCambridge talk in front of 2,600 people at the Boston Opera House this spring?”

Me: “Um, hell to the no. That’s scary as f*ck. Thanks, but I’ll pass.”

And, that’s where all of my excellent parenting (open car cursing notwithstanding) comes back to bite me in the butt.

Him: “Mom, you tell me ALL THE TIME to do that thing which scares me the most. You tell me ALL THE TIME that if my goals don’t petrify me, I’m not setting them high enough. And, you tell me ALL THE TIME that pushing myself into areas where I’m uncomfortable is where the actual growth happens. So, um, what gives, huh?”

Me, again: “F*ck.”

Fast forward a few months, and I’m all mic’d up and hyperventilating backstage, realizing that I’m about to walk out, sans podium, sans notes, sans any protective armor whatsoever, in front of the brightest lights and fullest house, and just hoping to every possible religious deity that I won’t crap my pants.

(Spoiler alert: I didn’t.)

But, I did learn a few things.

What I did do was learn something I’ve used every single day since—something you can use in every single high-stakes conversation, presentation, pitch, interview, negotiation, you name it.

Let me break it down.

1. Silence isn’t awkward—it’s power.

There’s nothing louder than 2,600 people waiting for your next thought. I could hear them breathing. My monkey brain? Screaming. “They love you! Except that guy in the front—why is he making that face?!”

Here’s the deal: your doubt will scream louder than your brilliance if you let it. You’ve got to wrestle it into submission and own your story. Your pauses give people time to absorb your power. Use them. Don’t rush. Let your idea land. The silence isn’t a threat—it’s a damn spotlight.

2. You carry the energy. Always.

Your meeting, your pitch, your job interview—it’s a stage. They showed up for something. And it’s on you to deliver. Your energy leads. Your vibe tells the room whether they should care. Don’t fake it—channel it. My coach told me to whisper “F*ck it” before stepping on stage. That tiny act of defiance? It reminded me of who I was, that this was my story, my message, my wording. It connected me to me.

So the next time you walk into a conversation that matters? Whisper it. F*ck it. Let your real self lead.

3. Talk, presentation, conversation—each one’s a different beast.

You can’t show up to a conversation with the energy of a boardroom pitch. And you can’t deliver a TEDx talk like it’s a casual coffee chat. Know your setting. Tailor your energy. Rehearse the right vibe. And cut the crap that doesn’t serve the moment.

4. Not everything needs to be said.

Some stories? Just don’t belong. I clung to mine out of ego and effort, even though I'd gotten them wrong in rehearsal over and over. But once I cut them? The talk was tighter. More powerful. More me.

And even then—I screwed up. Forgot a line. A big one. But only three people noticed: my coach, my husband, and that 8th grader. The rest? Had no clue. That screw-up haunted me for weeks. But here’s the truth: 11.5 minutes of impact beat 30 seconds of imperfection.

So, here's what I know to be true this week: You don’t have to be flawless. You just have to be you.

And, by the way... that talk? Looking back on it? Yeah, it sucked, badly. I can't even watch it today. In fact, hardly anyone can. In the nine years since I delivered it, only like 15,000 people have even seen it, despite the massive platform I've built. But, the one I gave just two years ago on Wonderhell? That one is going to reach 3,000,000 views soon. Why? Because I found my voice and learned how to be me.

And you can, too.

Ready to Amp Up Your Impact?

If you’re an introvert (like me) who plays an extrovert on stage, know this: the hangover is real. Plan for it. Recovery isn’t weakness. It’s wisdom.

Because another thing I know to be true this week is this: Confidence isn’t about perfection—it’s about connection. Connection to your story. Connection to your audience. And most of all, connection to yourself.

And if this lit a fire in you, guess what? In December, I’m opening registration for my private Amp Up Your Impact Masterclass—an intimate, high-voltage experience designed to help you own your message, sharpen your delivery, and show the hell up when it counts. It's happening in January, and I only run it once each year.

Last time I ran it, Lisa had this to say:

Spots are limited and I'm giving early access to my newsletter subscribers now. Sign me up for 50% off! I don't want to miss this!

“Ideas Worth Spreading” should be spread.

It took a lot to get on that stage, to believe that my idea was one worth spreading. It might not have all rolled off my tongue perfectly, but the kernel of the idea still stands. Yet, it means nothing if it’s never heard. So, the last lesson is this: have confidence in your ideas, and ask people to give them a listen with an open mind and a kind heart.

Speaking of ideas that are worth spreading...

Claude Silver just dropped a book today, called Be Yourself at Work and it’s exactly the reminder we all need. I'm fortunate to have gotten an early copy and if you've ever felt like you're performing at work instead of being yourself, this book is for you. Whether you're early in your career or leading teams, these insights will transform how you work and lead.

As VaynerX's Chief Heart Officer and head of all things people, culture and HR, Claude has spent years helping people bring their authentic selves to work—mess, vulnerability, and all. This book isn't another leadership manual filled with corporate jargon. It's a deeply human guide to showing up as yourself in a world that constantly asks us to conform.

The framework is brilliant: emotional optimism (believing in possibility), emotional bravery (taking action despite fear), and emotional efficiency (the speed that comes from deep trust). These aren't soft skills—they're the competitive advantage we all need.

You should read it. Order it now on Amazon, BeYourselfBook.com, or wherever you buy books.

And, with that: take a few minutes and check out my first TEDx talk.
Or join nearly 3 MILLION people who have watched by second talk on TED.com: Why doesn't success bring happiness?